... I'd sucker punch Miley Cyrus right in the f*#$%in' eye, then use the 999,991 dollars on a lawyer to counter the subsequent suing-of-my-ass case for assault.
Then I'd use the remaining tidbits of cash to take her out on a cheap date by way of apology. Burger and fries good enough for you?!
When in the bathroom, I tugged the TP a bit too hard and it unrolled onto the floor. Unbeknownst to me, a lil fuzzy spider was chillin' there, minding his own business and probably got stuck up in the paper when I grabbed it. To this day, I can honestly say that I wiped my ass with a spider once. Take that ya home-invading little wanker.
Drivers are bad. Plain and simple. There are no good drivers. Just bad and worse drivers. Most people probably don't deserve their license anymore, having grown too damn lax over the years without caveat for safety or their own fuggin' mortality. Having conveniently forgetten all the rules they painstakingly learned to get their license in the first place, they now mock the very system that drivers use these days by doing whatever they damn well please.
I honestly can't tell if it's honest-to-goodness fucking stupidity, or if it's just a lack of awareness of their own mortality. Either way, anytime God wants to rip the roads out of the earth and watch the morons other drivers flounder about helplessly without law or the machine to tell them what to do, He's game to do so.
Or maybe I'm just a vindictive asshole that wishes ill of the entire human race. I don't even know.
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1 comment:
Wow.
Yes.
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