Karma

This is so amusingly ironic, I had to post it. Amongst my tears of pain, I was also laughing pretty hard. In mid-writing, my media player is on in the background. Bout 700 or so songs, on RANDOM. Started out... Like'a this'a:

First song came on: 'God Must Hate Me' by simple plan

then came: 'Rock-bottom' by the Offspring

along played: '(It's Been The) Worst Day Since Yesterday' by Flogging Molly

next: 'Everything Sucks' by Dope

and last: 'Psycho' by Puddle of Mudd

Wait for it... I'm not done yet. After these 5 came on in that order and I'm sitting here thinking about my luck and how terri-bad things have been lately, I started laughing my ass off at everything and wondered if my media player was trying to tell me something. The next song played?

...

I Feel Fantastic by Jonathan Coulton.

Yeah. God exists. And he has a weird freakin' sense of humor.

And now, something for your comedic twitch.

"Oh aye, there's one thing left: Tha' chuck-shot! A secret Dwarven technique passed down from me daddy, from 'is daddy, from me great-great-uncle Triggerfinger Ironstone..."

"So named because of his legendary Marksmanship?"

"No... Because that was the only finger he had left AFTER HE MASTERED THE CHUCK-SHOT."

"What?! You're not really going to do this! You're insane!"

"Listen 'ere, Missy. Lemme tell ya sum'thin about Dwarves - WE GET THA JOB DONE. Now ya pointy-eared granola-munching bunny-kissin' green party pacifist raver elf chicks would never think to launch a live animal outta blunderbuss BUT WE DWARVES IS HAPPY TA DO IT!!!"

----Flintlocke, dwarf warrior, engineer, disaster

Two Faces of the Coin

"Trying to find a way, Getting better every day

And I got you now I'm not alone

All I need in this life is one,

One thing to believe in

I've seen many a face, From young and too old

I've stolen their faith and I have broken their souls

Was here before Christ had forgave you your sins

And paid your price and sealed your fate within

Days have come to an end..

Today's the day that we meet again

The self inflicted inebriation:

Guilt never lies

I've been waiting for the chance to reunite this sick romance

Poison never hurt so good

So nice of you to speak of me, your closest friend and enemy

An only savior of masochists

Well it's the dead end slave, from the alter to the grave

It's the last days of our life

The faith of men

Time, its been so long, and now there's nothing to say

I'm trying so hard to find the words to say

I'm tired of being, now I'm something I'm not

I can't believe and I never thought

Days would come to an end

Well maybe someday we'll meet again,

If ever that day never comes, it would be too soon

My love

I've been waiting for the chance To nullify this sick romance

Pull the cord to detonate

So sick of you, don't speak of me, a represent of misery

An only savior of masochists

Well it's the dead end slave, from the alter to the grave

It's the last days of our life

Well it's the dead end slave, from the alter to the grave

It's the last days of our life

The faith of men

Now I've found a way, getting better every day

And I got you now I'm not alone,

All I need in this life is one, One thing to believe in"

A song. A pop-rock song by a band I like. A passionate song, sung with emotion in the music, "ooooh"s in the background by the members of the band, even some added instruments like one of those key-board like piano wannabe things and even some deep, church-bells in the background. Most of the people who write about this song, on forums or lyrics pages, tag it as a terrific song, powerful and all that. Like most pop-rock songs, they think it's about relationships, or love and some such stuff. I used to think that too, in fact, I still kinda do. Cept... I had a thought.

Imagine the song is about, or sung by rather, Lucifer. Yeah, I got bug-eyed too. Go back and re-read the lyrics again. I'll wait here.

Back yet? I don't know if the band was intending to have this kind of meaning when they wrote it, but it certainly changes my view on it. I also think it makes a lot of sense. If Satan were to come raging at you with Hardcore death metal in the background, I think we'd all run away screaming. Though a passionate song with emotional music that talks about "love" and "relationship" in it, Satan would have a better argument. Let's face it: everyone sins. In a way, we all have a 'relationship' to Ol' Scratch, though hopefully, it involves lots of ignoring and discernment. Our twisted and sick 'romance' with sin.

After all, isn't sinning just misplaced Love?

Think about it.

The College Students Who Don't Do Anything

Yarrr, yarrrrr, yaaarrrrr, YAAAAAAAR!

We are the college students who don’t do anything

We just stay at home and play our games

And if you ask us to be social

We'll just tell you, "we don’t be social!"

o, I never do my homework

and I prefer the night to day

and I always go to Arbies when I'm ditching FHE

And I’ve gotten lost in Ucon

And I've gotten lost in I.F.

but I've never been to Boise in the fall

cuz We are the college students who don’t do anything

We just stay at home and play our games

And if you ask us to be social

We'll just tell you we don’t be social

Ben can't hold his caffeine

And Spike has problems adding

And Russ always dies when we play Neverwinter nights
And I miss out on stake dances

cuz I just don't give a daaaaaaaamn

And I’ve never been to Boise in the fall

(curse funglez!)

We are the college students who don’t do anything

We just stay at home and play vidjya games

And if you ask us go do stuff

We'll just tell you WE DON'T DO STUFF

.

I'm always reading Japanimation about pointless toilet humor

Our bishop always flogs me cuz I'm sleeping right through church
And I'm always quoting strong bad while I constantly miss my sleeeeep

And I’ve never been to Boise in the fall

(ha haa haaa!)

Loser Captains log, 2004...

who be this man who moved into our floor!

And why be he so full of contradictions (yar!)

we dont know who he be

but we're down with D&D

we dont wake up before one

but we love to watch Trigun

we dont smoke, we dont chew

we get trashed on mountain dew!

I cant get good grades...

Jeff's never asked a girl out...

And Dan can't go to Wal-mart without buying YuGiOh cards...
Our social lives are bathed in yogurt

And look as bad in spandex...

But we’ve never been to Boise in the fall!

(let's hear it for the newest generation of america, give em a big hand!)

CUZ We are the college students who don’t do anything

We just stay at home and play video games

And if you ask us to come out and be social,

WE'LL JUST TELL YOU: WE DONT BE SOCIAAAAAAAAAL!!!

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

What, you were expecting an epic thread about Fungles?

I hate the damn fairy.

Ascension - A peek into the mind of a Flake

You.

Yes, you.

Come here for a moment.

Tell me, do you believe in Fate? No, of course not. I mean who does these days? How about God? Does the thought of the Almighty frighten you, or is it the possibility of higher life? I'd attest to you my friend, watch thine ass. Why would I surmise these words to you, well.... It's quite simple really. I am certain of higher life. Oh?

Because I've seen it.

Sit down, friend, I'm going to share with you a tale. Nay, a story about something that you may not believe. I've shared this with many people in the world today, and some have said what I will tell you is impossible. Some have called me crazy. Others have said I do cocaine. But what these philistines do not understand is the utmost seriousness of my story. One thing that I will tell you right now, is that everything I am going to tell you is true.

Years ago, in a college much like the one down the street from your house, there existed a group of young crazy men. Sounds a bit too familiar, right? There occurred within this group peculiar rituals, some of which include watching cartoons til the dead hours of the night, or traveling to Arby’s to separate foil from the plastic. There was a man named Jake, and a man named James. The two of them partook of a ritual practiced by many in this day and age, the art that is Caffeine consumption. Most people, bah, 2 or 3 drinks and they act silly. They know when to stop, for they have self-control! Plus they are wussies. For is it not man's indomitable spirit to abuse his body as much as possible while trying to maintain his sanity?

I say unto you, sanity is overrated.

Jake and James believed this to be so, and consumed many a day caffeinated beverages, enjoying the sugary rush that comes with it. One night, there occurred a consumption too many, and the two men were overcome with a vision, no, AN ENTITY! Of biblical proportions. Transfixed, there, before their VERY eyes, behold! A great beast of untapped power! It was a man! No, it was a Lion Man, a large two legged beast wearing a kilt and carrying a great ax. And his words could be heard, echoing throughout the room in a magnificent clarity, threatening to execute the two men if they ever spoke of his presence.

This of course forced the words "wtf" from Jake and James, as this ordeal made abso-f*ggin-lutely no sense.

This being, Jake was convinced, was a Higher Life Form! And if consuming abhorrent amounts of caffeine would allow one to see the entity, perhaps drinking even MORE of it would allow them to join that dimension of existence!

Jake and James thus began their long and ardorous journey to find that caffeined Nirvana, that dimension of reality where your blood was replaced with sugar and unadultered energy source was at your every whim and desire.

They met with failure, time after time. Consuming such amounts of liquid was hard on their minds and even harder on their bladders, but they did not give up. Many people called them fools. But this, only fueled the desire, nay, the NEED to find this.

I speak of these wills as much as they were my own... Because they were. Yes my friend. I am Jake. I am he who sought the impossible, he who craved what cannot be touched, who chugged that which should not be chugged. I did not give up in my conquest for that unholy state of mind, a condition that, one dark night...

I found.

It was a Friday night. A bright full moon adorned the sky as the werewolves hunted their prey. Most people were out having a social life, but not I. Some friends and I had gathered around in someones room to have a few drinks and play a few games. It started out as innocent fun, until someone suggested a drinking game. Crash Team Racing... Mario Kart... Halo... All these mad multi-player mayhem matches separated the men from the boys, the strong from the weak, the insanely idiotic from the self-controlled.

Drink after drink went down. A few passed out from their sugary inebriation. Others were smart and called it quits and went home. James and I were determined to reach our goal, and had been consuming mountain dews, rockstars, Surge's, and other such caffeinated cups of purity throughout the night. As the night waxed old, James did pass out under the pressure of his bladder and called it quits, but I; I continued! I perservered! Something in me kept pushing those cans up, drinking, growing, reaching, stretching, chugging more and more as can after can hit the floor! The sugary liquid burned its way down my throat as my attention span grew shorter and shorter and my bladder grew fatter and fatter, but the drinks, they kept going! The strength kept coming, until, at one moment, my feet buckled, my legs, they refused to work as a darkness tried to overtake me, I fell! I tried to fight away the black tentacles, the overwhelming madness that threatened to harvest my soul and cast me off into Oblivion! ...

Until...

I opened my eyes, and found the strength to stand. I looked around for a moment... I peeked out the window... I watched a car drive by, a person walking down the street, a bird defecating in mid-flight... All in perfect slow motion. Their movements were like liquid poetry. And then I knew...

I had reached the state of Pure Caffeination.

I left the room and walked the roads of the world, taking in all. My emotions, my instincts, the sights, the sounds were all being fed directly into my brain. And for once, one beautiful sweet moment, the entire world made sense! I knew all!

I knew and understood the dichotomy of good and evil.

I knew why up was up and down was down.

I understood women.

I understood the atomic theory.

I understood why people feel the need to drive stupidly fast everywhere they go.

I understood why dogs chased cats.

Why cats chased birds.

Why birds crap on windshields.

Why people who hate RP servers are such hypocritical morons.

Why the Irish enjoy drinking themselves to death.

Why history repeats.

Why everyone of every color is racist and too uptight to notice.

Why emo-ness seems to take over people when life is so good to them.

How our minds work, how our bodies work.

Why green means go and red means stop.

Why people tell you to hold it in in public.

Why there is Braille on drive-thru ATMs.

Why Thom hates bikers.

I KNEW EVERYTHING.

The world in all it's mysterious and wonders and confusions and all the whys and the when's and the where's, I understood them all! I had achieved what no one believed I could. I had reached the next realm of existence...

Unfortunately it didn't last long as I woke up at my friend David's apartment on his couch with no pants on and he, nor his roommates unable to explain how I had gotten in.

You think I’m joking, but I’m not.

Nevertheless, though I am unable to ascertain as to how my drunken stupor lead me into my friend's place, and though I did overhear a while later something about a broken window, the moments of my ascension into that caffeinated Nirvana are embedded in my memory forever. I will never forget those moments of crystal clarity, as I knew my existence and all my dealings up to that point had been for naught.

And now, I must bid you adieu.

Hmm?

What is the meaning of Life, you ask?

Well... Let me just say this:

Live your life with no regrets, always smile, and have faith. Faith in whatever you believe, and maybe, when the day comes that we meet again, you can tell me.